My Pensieve

The first time J. K. Rowling introduced me to the magical object known as a Pensieve, I was hooked!  I have often said that if there were anything from Potter’s world that I could have in this one, it would be a Pensieve.

Well, I found one.  And I didn’t even have to get ripped off on Ebay.  (I am fairly certain I found this one “hiding” in the journal section of Amazon.com.)

It doesn’t look like much.  I admit that.  Most of you are saying to yourself, “Okay, it’s a pretty book and quite possibly a pretty journal but that is about all.”

I also admit that it is a far, far cry from the magical device that Professor Dumbledore kept stored in his office.  It’s not even close to that but yet I have desired for quite some time a device like Dumbledore’s – something to store my memories in so that I could look at them from different perspectives.  Some place where I could lay to rest painful things, store away wonderful things, and even piece together puzzling things so that sometime later I could take a look at them again and maybe, just maybe, see something different.

Not so long ago, I began taking a continuing education class on “Healing the Brain”.  It is one that is offered by the Center for Family Process in Bethesda, MD.  I took it out of curiosity – the main presenter had written several papers that I found fascinating and I took it out of convenience – the course is offered as a “teleconference” over a ten month period.  But mainly, I took it because something deep inside me needed it.

I have kept a journal of one kind or another for years.  Sometimes I am good at writing in them and sometimes I am not.  I guess you can see where I get my less than regular posting schedule for this blog.  It comes pretty naturally to me.

However, since I began taking this course, something incredible has happened.

I wanted to show an actual page from my journal – which I now refer to as my Pensieve. (But I couldn’t trust myself to blur and mar the image enough that it wouldn’t be readable at some point.)  But now, my Pensieve and I are now very best friends.  I may go days without posting on this blog, but hardly a day goes by that I don’t dip into my skull with one of my many colored pens and pull out some memory of the day or the long almost forgotten past and place it in my Pensieve.  I then spend three or four days going over the same memory from different angles to give me a better feel as to what really happened.

And that has been really freeing for me.  I am lighter these days.  I am less frazzled these days.  I am better rested these days.  I am still a bit forgetful, but maybe even that will heal in time.  I am very thankful that God finally found a way to show me a Pensieve!

Just for fun I will share one of the entries that I have placed in the Pensieve.  This entry came after recalling a particular event four times.  It is my summary of what came from that time:

I will write this in red, just for me:

A daytime nightmare woke me from my slumber
I was not asleep really – I found no proper rest
I was wide awake to the anxious forces around me
I was wide awake to my own pain
And yet it was a nightmare in the daytime
That jarred me
That shook my anger and rage awake
that took me to a dark night of the soul
that let me loose my own anxiety
and I found
I found
“I”

See you on the road home!  (You’ll know me…I’ll be the one with a pretty journal in my hand.)